Your Guide Book To Making New Friends via Facebook
Meeting new people can be a very rewarding experience. In the past, we had limited tools with which to do so, and, on occasion, were taught that we should not talk to strangers. Technology and tools have advanced to such a degree, that the whole paradigm of communication is forever altered. We can now immediately connect to people from all over the world. One very effective tool that I have used to do so is Facebook. This book represents some of my thoughts on how to turn strangers into friends, quickly, from all over the world, and to do so in a way that eliminates fears, preconceptions, and some of the older precautions we may have been taught. We can now be friends with people from all over the world in a matter of months, weeks and even minutes. This book will highlight how you can do the same, and shares my experience in this arena so far.
I dedicate this book to Fatima Surayya Bajia, who I think is the one who I learned best HOW to talk to strangers, by not even looking at them as strangers, rather “one of your own, who you have just not met yet.”
You can learn more about her on www.bajia.org
Table of Contents:
- Background: How I found my friends on Facebook
- What is the best way to add friends
- Settings of Facebook
- Profile Photo
- Your Photos
- Cover Photo
- Your Information
- Follow Function
- Steal My Friends – Why?
- Some Interesting friends from around the globe
- Some People You Must Follow
- Examples of Areas to befriend on Facebook
- Facebook Groups
- The 500 Mutual Friend Experiment
- Testimonials/Success Stories
When we come to this world, we come alone, and we leave alone.
However on this amazing journey, we meet a lot of people, some are family, and others are our adopted family, who we call our friends.
Making friends has been a challenge for me most of my life. I was fascinated by people, who were able to go and talk to anyone, and then I met some people who managed to teach me how this can be done. Here is what I know, and I am sharing it with you.
For the reason of FEAR, we are told that talking to strangers is a bad thing, and not to interact with many people in our lives, especially if they are different than us. We can get rid of this fear slowly, by doing some things that are of a different pattern than that which we are used to doing, and slowly this fear goes away.
I think we need to stop telling our children that talking to strangers is a bad thing, rather educate them how to talk and communicate to strangers. This should be a subject introduced and taught in all our schools around the world.
My definition of a stranger is, a person who we have not talked with for 5 minutes yet. Once we do this they become an acquaintance, and after an hour of conversation or interaction of some kind, a friend.
With Facebook all this becomes very interesting, as all of a sudden you do not see the person, meet the person, or know about them, but all of a sudden have the possibility to know so much more about them, which was never ever possible before.
My journey of interaction began when I was 16 and was running Pakistan Computers. I would invite 10 to 40 friends who were in the computer industry to my home for a lunch party and introduce them to each other, so that we would have a more healthier business relationship, maybe because I was looking for learning new things and new friends.
In 1994 when I got email all of a sudden my circle started to expand, and with the introduction of IRC and ICQ everything just started to change for my friendship circles, and now I had real people who I could talk to in real time around the world as FRIENDS.
In 2007, when Facebook came out, everything all came together: photos, text, and videos, all in one place. You could learn about people very, very quickly, and you had the most informative data you need to make friends right there in front of you – WHAT THEY LIKED.
Knowing and learning from different people is an amazing journey. It is like watching many life documentaries, or reading many autobiographies, only that it is all happening in real life.
While visiting a friend of mine in St Petersburg, Florida, United States, I was explaining to someone, how I was collecting 10 friends from each country in the world many years ago.
WHY? I wanted to do this, as I wanted to know the ground reality of what really is happening around the world, unlike what I hear from the news media is happening, and that became my excuse to explore new cultures, different ways of living, and different food. It just enriched my life in ways that I can not even count any more. I got successful in doing that in many countries and in others I still did not manage to.
So I thought, why not expose these friends to the world that does not use Facebook yet, and convert them into a group in which people can help guide, see photos of these people, and see if they want to connect to these wonderful people from around the world.
That’s what this booklet is about. I am starting this in 2014 and I hope that we will publish more versions of it in the future, so that more and more people can be added in this book, and eventually we will not really need it. This booklet and the ideas in it are live and ever transforming.
I hope you will enjoy this, and take full advantage of this, allowing you to be more open, more accepting, and eventually it will help you realize that what we think is truth may not be complete yet, as we may not really have the complete picture yet, to call it truth or false.
How I Found My Friends On Facebook
I got on Facebook as soon as it was available. I do not remember who sent me the initial invite, but it was not the Facebook we see today that was there. It was more about who could post the most attention getting picture. That was not my thing. So, I signed up and just left it there. After some time, it changed to where you could post a status and photos, as well as make friends. I started using it more and more. Initially I think the people who were active that I knew were Suzanne Bowen, and a few others.
Slowly and gradually, I started spending more time on it.
At the time of ICQ, I would make friends in the places I wanted to know about or would travel to, so I could get first hand information about these places and their cultures, and even some time have a friend to greet me when I would arrive at the airport.
It was not easy to make friends, as many countries were more difficult to make friends in, but people would always want to help you out.
So my line to get a reply from them, or as they say “breaking the ice” would be:
“Hello, I am sorry to interrupt, but can you tell me what is the local time now in your city?”
This sentence would get most replies for me and people would reply to me telling me about it, and it was a great ice breaker. The conversation would go on from there.
On Facebook, I started just adding people, and then I lost my account. Facebook just closed the account, without giving me a reason. It turned out that the reason was that I was friending a lot.
I opened a new account, after some time, and it got to 4000 something people, and one fine morning, that also got closed, and I was very upset and sad that I lost all these friends I found over the years, again.
Now, at least, Facebook does not close your account. Like my mother says,“They PUT YOU IN JAIL.” During this jail time, you can not add more people for 30 days or so. If you add people, and they decline your request and say that they do not know you, this would tend to happen to your account.
3. What is the best way to add a friend?
There are a lot of small little things that you will need to make sure are correct on your Facebook profile, before you can pursue this journey. I will explain in the next chapters on how what they are. They are very similar to making friends in real life.
The best way I found to add a friend, after making thousands of mistakes, is to be honest, be true, be clear, and be direct in asking what you want from your Facebook friend.
At this point i would strongly suggest that you also read the book by Dale Carnegie on the mindset of making friends, which will help you in life and on here making friends. The book is “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” You can find it on www.rehanu.com/friends/.
4. Settings on Facebook
Before you send a friend request, just like you would not say: “Hello, will you be my friend?” in person to someone in your night pajamas, you should make sure that their is enough collateral on your Facebook account for a person to be able to see who you are, and if you are someone they will WANT to friend back, once you send a friend request.
Your Profile Photo:
Your profile photo must be clear face photo , hopefully with a smile and showing nothing more but your face, so that the other person can read your face and make a judgement call on it.
Here are a few sample photos:
You should also have at least 5 other face shot’s on your profile, and their security should be set as public, so that if someone clicks on your profile photo, they see different faces, and do not think you are maybe a fake ID.
It is also important to have a few photos with people who are tagged on them, i.e. your co-workers, classmates, or friends who you have met, and tagged on different occasions. This also gives more credibility and shows who you are, as well as what kind of friends you have.
Your cover photo should be there with at least 5 photos with your friends, hopefully tagged, so that they can see them, also, if they wanted to.
Your cover photo can also be about your interests, nice quotes which you believe in etc., so that the person can see what your thoughts are before considering accepting you as a friend. Keep in mind: friendship here is a lot like life, and this interaction will take time, focus and interest.
SAMPLE COVER LINKS
Add as much information as you have already posted on LinkedIn, for example, if you currently use LinkedIn and have an updated, complete profile. There should be no reason not to also post it on Facebook, as that information you have already made publicly available, and you are only saving time for anyone who may be interested in Googling you. This includes, where you studied, where you work, and what does your work include in the company.
This is also excellent for your professional life, as 75% of the people in the world get a job VIA someone they know, and if your own friends and family do not know what you do, how will they help introduce you to people who can help you grow professionally or get you a better job or work?
What is Facebook Follow function ?
Being on Facebook is like being an ambassador for yourself, your city, your religion, your country and your company. Once anyone is on Facebook, they share a lot of public information, a YouTube video, write about some website, or share a newspaper article, etc. Once you share this, this information CAN be seen by ANYONE, anywhere, anytime and is archived.
Facebook follow function (SHOW IMAGE) allows you to now have followers like you have on Twitter. Anything you post in PUBLIC will be available to them, and will be sent to them like an RSS Feed in their news feed.
To open your follow function, go to www.fb.com/about/follow and set it to PUBLIC.
In mobile phone app of Facebook you can go to options, account settings, and follow. There on the top one is set to friends, click it to make it PUBLIC or Everyone.
I highly recommend that you open your follower function, even if you do not use Facebook a lot, or do not post a lot of public content at this time.
I recommend this because people who are friending you will become your followers at least, and in future when things change for you or career changes, these followers may be of a lot of benefit to you.
Facebook has a limit of allowing you to add 5000 friends, but you can have unlimited followers.
5. Mutual Friends
A mutual friend as it sounds like, is a friend you and another person have in common, i.e. – Suzanne and I have 500 common friends, they would also be called the “mutual friends.” These are the people Suzanne and I both know. The rest of the friends on her friend list and my friends list, we may not know about or share.
Power of the Network:
We learn from our Network – people who are around us are our teachers, our friends, our peers, our acquaintances, people we hang around with. They are our teachers, and we slowly become like them in admiring their best qualities.
I have spent many many years in gathering wonderful friends who are positive, who are learned, and who anyone and everyone can learn so much from. These 5000 friends can be beneficial for anyone and everyone to become more like me, as I am who I am because of these people around me. They help me become like them, and learn from them, and grow from their experiences.
If you also make these friends, as your friends, by going to my Facebook Friends List, and adding them, you also will become more like my friends. Thus like me. Thus we will be able to understand each other more clearly, and we will have similar goals in life, and bring greater collaboration to those goals.
Your goals become my friends goals, and then my goals, and my friends goals, become your goals and my goals, and we all collectively then can help each other these goals, dreams, visions, aspirations, etc.
This is my hypothesis on how Mutual Friends with me can help you, and me.
So, if you take my friends from my friend list, you will end up learning:
1. How to make new friends
2. How to communicate with a stranger and convert them to friends
3. A few different languages words
4. How people think in other parts of the world
5. How to think “out of the box”
6. What things are not available in your country yet, thus bringing you opportunity to bring them to your country
7. Great teachers
8. Great students
If you have some of my friends as yours, and have talked to them for 1 hr each only, I guarantee, your income and/or your character and/or your life will improve 500% for sure. Potentially all of them. You wouldn’t like that now, would you?
6. Some Friends you can make from around the world:
Here is a list of people who are open to adding random people and talking to them. You can add them and talk to them and see if what you learned from this book helped you in convincing the most receptive people to add friends to add you.
Adv Sana Khan Yousafzai
Ka’ab Ul Ahbar
7. 10 People you must follow
Updated version of these people are also on:
https://www.rehanallahwala.com/mentors/ for people around the world and
https://www.rehanallahwala.com/pakimentors/ for people from Pakistan
8. Finding people on Facebook
Facebook now allows you to search people from around the world, by different search categories.
Here is what you can search on your search bar:
People who live in Albania
Females who are interested in Purses
Males who are interested in Toyota Camry
Friends I have from Germany
People who grew up in Germany
People who speak Russian and live in United States
People who work for Facebook
People who work for Microsoft
People who are looking for jobs
People who are engineers and live in Australia
People who are Singers and live in Hollywood
This allows you to find different people from all walks of life, and then friend them.
9. Facebook Groups
Facebook groups is by far now the easiest way to make friends on Facebook. You can go and search for the interests that you have, join these groups, and read what people are posting.
When you join a group, I strongly recommend you do not post anything to the group for a week, Observe, Observe, Observe. Make sure you read what is going on. The maximum you can do is click like on the posts that you are liking. Be sure to do that also after you have spend 3 days in the group. Then you can start commenting, and then you can inbox them and start talking to them to become your friends.
WHY to be cautious:
A Facebook group is like a TRIBE, and you should not be speaking in a tribe among the members of the tribe, until you are sure what the rules of the tribe are. Every single group out there has a group administrator, group elders, and these elders decide what goes in what group. Once you know exactly what is going on, you should speak according to the protocols of that group, otherwise the admin may kick you out or even permanently block you from the group if you say something that is out of line for that group.
Larger groups will be less tolerant and more strict as many spammers go and flood the groups with advertisements.
To find a group, go to the search bar and type the item of your interest, and then click on the groups section to see the groups on that subject.
It is more than likely that the group or interest you have does not have the word you are seeking, so search for different synonyms in looking for it. If you still do not find, go ahead and create your own group on that subject, and add a few people who you know already of that interest to grow that network.
I also strongly encourage you to make a group about your Town, City, Country, Business, Hobby, Building, Sub-Divisions.
Some Examples: People living in Green Town, People from Dallas, I love PHP, I love Sewing, Sewing Club of Karachi.
This will help you find more similar minded people eventually and help you grow that interest in you and others.
8. Areas where you can friend people
Albania was one of those countries that I did not know much about, so I posted a paid ad on Facebook, looking for friends from Albania, as the cost of doing that was minimum. To my surprise, it is a lovely country with low salary, highly educated people, with great infrastructure available to them.
Unfortunately the lack of leadership is also there, and most of the people, even though they live in Europe, they make very low money and are very depressed. Most people living there are Muslims, but very European kind of Muslims. You should for sure make friends there if you are Muslim also to understand them.
Macedonia is also one of the ex Yugoslavia country, and is a small country with similar situation in Albania. Most people are not Muslims, but many of them are. Note: You will find inter-region marriages to be very common there.
10. The 500 Mutual Friend Experiment
I was having lunch with my friends Mitch Carson and Ernesto Verdugo. I asked them, “Ernesto – what can I do to get more people from America to talk to people in Pakistan, because I think when they talk, it helps bring more love and peace among them?” He said, “incentivise it, and maybe give a gift or something, like a laptop.”
I thought about it, and a week later I announced the first laptop give away to anyone who will steal 500 of my Facebook friends.
YES, Steal. What that means is that they have to go to my friends list and take 500 of my friends. If you are from Pakistan, you must make 500 Non Pakistani Friends. If you are from the US, you must make 500 Non Us Friends, and so on.
This way I do not have to introduce people to each other, and they have an incentive to make new friends.
Today a young Pakistani man messaged me that he has managed to make 500 Non Pakistani Facebook friends of mine, into his friends, and he did this in only 2 weeks.
I asked him how he did that, his reply was that I talked with every single one of them, and convinced them that I am a good person, gave them enough information about myself, so that they can trust me, and that made them add him to their Facebook.
I was surprised that he could do this in only 2 weeks, as it took me ages to do this.
I was very happy to see that, as now his REAL journey will start.
This journey will allow him to share, exchange, and bounce his ideas off of these very different 500 people around the globe. Interacting with them will allow him to think like a global citizen, being considerate and appreciative about the difference among all of us. This will increase his chances for success.
11. Testimonials/Success Stories
Susan Webb Photo
Can two words typed over the internet from a total stranger on the other side of the planet change your life? Can five letters of a symbolic code change one’s perspective? The outcome ironic in many ways. The choice in hindsight immediate. The click of the mouse on the “add as friend” as historic a moment as I will ever experience.
As I scrolled the names of comments on a fish game on facebook, one stood out. The profile picture: Freddy Krueger; the name Kabeer Khan. The irony of this persona did not escape me. In the weeks to come there were gifts of fish given, aquariums visited. For every gift, I received a thoughtful acknowledgment.
After one particularly heartfelt thank you, I visited his profile. His profile statement ~ “I am hemophiliac from birth at Fatimid. You must help us.” It listed the country as Pakistan. I then followed a link to a group. This explained that Fatimid was a hospital for poor people with blood disorders. I sat and read that statement over and over. “You must help us!”
The desperation even at this moment brings tears to my eyes. No question, no option. Pure desperation. The choice so clear in this young man’s mind. This statement so deliberate, became a mantra in my head.
What could make a situation so urgent, to demand?
After a day or so of pondering these questions, and getting up the nerve to speak to someone that would put a serial killer on their profile, I sent a chat message. I said: “Hello.” I asked: “How I could help?”
I offered to make an American page for Fatimid to show support. In minutes, I was an Admin on his group. Accepted without question as someone who was sincere. At this moment, my life changed forever. My perception of the world, the internet, what possibilities were out there that I have never considered, everything changed. In one moment two people’s lives would never be the same. In seemingly one moment a bond was formed. A thread of love, hope, and caring was without knowing about to sew the most beautiful tapestry imaginable.
What I found was an incredible humanity fostered by desperation. A family locked in a daily struggle. Not for what we would consider basic needs, but for a need at an even more vital level. Blood. Broken down even further one component of blood. A component that all four brothers in this family need from outside sources to survive. In a country that faces struggles on a daily basis that we in the west can only see in our nightmares.
I found a mother. A loving, caring mother, who has been through struggles I think I will never know. Brought up 4 productive, loving boys. Boys who do not wallow in self pity. Boys who work hard to make their parents proud, and to make Pakistan a better place. I found a father who worked 2 jobs to put his children through school. I found without knowing at the time, a family. Sons I never dreamt I would have. A sister so dear I long to meet. I found people I miss everyday, without ever knowing. And in the process I found ME.
By Susan Webb | https://www.facebook.com/Katajha83
Since Rehan Allahwala introduced me to his friends, I have had hundreds of friend requests. On the first day, I had many conversations with people and I asked them all one question – if you had one message for the world, what would it be? I want to share with you what some of the good people of Pakistan said to me… smile emoticon
“I would have delivered just one massage with simple words: RESPECT HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“My first word is humanity love and peace first of all humanity after that we are Christian and Muslim .people let’s come we can solve our all problems with dialogue and with love.”
“My message is about humanity. Cause I believe humanity is bigger then any religion we should respect all religion. We should make friends from every religion from every field either they are rich or poor we should give respect. We should remove the difference between poor and rich people. We should think like as human for all religion.” Samar Aslam
“We have no country to die for. My country is the Earth. I’m the Citizen of the Earth which only consists of one race and that’s Human Race.”
“My message is, Be a human make peace between each other live peacefully and help the needy person, avoid wars everyone has right to live on this earth. So live and let them living.”
“Be human first. Respect and learn from everyone, even if u have a different opinion. Spread the LOVE to the world.”
Well if I get that opportunity I would surely request everyone to spread peace and love. And 2ndly I would like to raise my voice on a topic of takin care of earth because earth is the only Home we have. We have to keep it clean we have to stop cutting trees stop using wood furnitures because I saw a beautiful post telling stats that “It takes 28 trillion dollars to create oxygen for 6 months for the whole world and trees do that for free.”
“Judge a man by his character. Not by his religion, creed and colour.”
“My Message is very clear that Respect your mother. Respect is the factor that every human on this planet deserve. My message is Do Good and Good Will come to you. Do not Humiliate anyone. Spread Happiness in this World and focus on Education.” Muhammad Shafiq
“Well if the world would be listening to me, my msg would be to plz believe in sharing. In whatever capacity every individual is he should help the needy in whatever capacity. if someone is good at knowledge or some skills he should share it with those who r interested to learn. or if some one have abundance of wealth, he should share it for education & health for the poor.”
Your life should be fruitful for the society as a whole. Muhammad Asghar
I say.. “take care of family, relatives and neighbours especially those neighbour and relative who can’t afford their living.”
I will say do work hard not forget and earn money, do work for your nation and make the nation powerful and always live for others not for ourselves.Love Kumar
For a million people, listening to me… I will say just one thing.
“Do what you love, love what you do and stay persistently focused.”
It drives me and hope it drives them, too.
Be yourself. Be human.
Well honestly.. I’ll say its not about the world its about you! You are the one that could reshape societies.. You can change the world because every individual has everything as a package zipped in himself its about about extracting whatever u want.. Be yourself be original and believe me you’ll achieve whatever u want to..
Spread love, live peacefully, strengthen harmony!
If i had to choose only one message to share with the world i would go for“coexistence otherwise no existence”…. I see a lot of people have divided themselves for just no reason i repeat for no reason and they are giving reasons like religions, classes, genders and what not! ….If i look up to the books of different religions what i have found in common is the word“unity”, “peace”, “kindness”. But instead of following these shared thoughts by almost every book we are more tend to practice what divides us or differentiates us. By that i don’t mean that one should stop following their specified religions, but simply i want them to respect others who have different set of beliefs…. I think it is the high time for the world to know that before any religion, traditions, customs we are humans and we are individuals and being an individual we owe the right to our opinions and our opinions and perspectives can be different…. just try to respect what you can’t accept…. Give each other a space, freedom to their opinion, to their thoughts! Hug things out. And I feel If we could just work this major thing out. Things would be different.
I will say “O my people, No matter how hard things may seem. There is always something good coming around the corner. Just keep moving”Heera Lal